I have been a psychotherapist and marriage and family counselor for over fifty years. I feel blessed to have a career where I can help men and women live fully authentic lives, love deeply, and make positive change in the world. Yet, the truth is far more personal and complex.
I was born into deception, a story I didn’t learn about until I was an adult and had gone through two divorces and written a book about my conflicted love life – Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places: Overcoming Romantic and Sexual Addictions.
My mom and dad met in 1928 in Greenwich Village, New York. He was twenty-two years old and an aspiring actor. She had just turned twenty and aspired to write the great American novel.
He told me stories of The Village when it arrived as a hub of artists, writers and musicians. The area was alive with progressive ideas and radical politics, attracting artists and intellectuals of all types. Like growing up in San Francisco in the 1960s, experimental lifestyles and free love were in the air.
My mother told me that there was another man in her life at that time, a young newspaper reporter who worked for her new York Times. Not long after my father and I divorced, she admitted that she had several lovers whom she kept secret.
When people come to see me at MenAlive they watch my welcome video, “Confessions of a Twice-Divorced Marriage Counselor.” In my book, Looking for love in all the wrong placesI share the ways deception and addictions have affected my love life. In my book, Enlightened Marriage: 5 Transformational Stages of Relationships and Why the Best Is Still to Come, I share my healing journey.
The crisis of integrity: preserving our most valuable virtue in an increasingly dishonest world
I recently had the opportunity to do so Christian B. miller interviewauthor of the book The Crisis of Integrity: Preserving Our Most Valuable Virtue in an Increasingly Dishonest World. I asked him to give me a little background about himself and his work. Here’s what he told me:
“I live in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, with my wonderful wife and three children. I have been incredibly fortunate to spend the last twenty years at Wake Forest University, where I am now the A.C. Reed Professor of Philosophy. My research primarily concerns virtue and moral character, and for ten years I was its leader character project And honesty projectThe world’s two largest research projects on these topics.
In addition to my academic writing, I have a new popular book coming out in May, The crisis of integrity: preserving our most valuable virtue in an increasingly dishonest world To go along with the earlier trade book, Character Differences: How Good Are We? I was a contributor to science forbesand is written for New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Dallas Morning News, Slate, The Conversation, Newsweek, Aeon, And Christianity today“
I found the book and Christian Miller’s work timely and important. He says that integrity is declining at an alarming rate in many areas of society today, as we are facing multiple integrity crises:
- The frequency of deepfakes is skyrocketing because they are now easier to create and more difficult to detect.
- In the field of education, many students are using AI to complete their writing assignments with little chance of detection.
- In politics, social media helps the spread of fake news, and polarization reduces our tendency to condemn political dishonesty if it matches our own views.
- In public spaces, becoming a celebrity is easier than ever in human history, and yet celebrity encourages more dishonesty.
- In religion, religious leaders are facing the temptation to steal sermon material from the Internet and AI.
- With the easy availability of online pornography, anonymous chatrooms, and infidelity websites like Ashley Madison, it has never been easier to cheat in a relationship.
The section on relationships was particularly relevant to the work I do with clients. Miller says,
“If there’s anything discussed in this book that’s always been a constant, it’s infidelity, both sexual and emotional. Wherever there are exclusive romantic relationships, there’s also the risk of cheating. But the rise of the Internet has changed things for the worse here.”
People long for long-lasting relationships, but it is becoming increasingly difficult. I feel blessed to know what makes relationships last and how to keep them alive and well. My wife Carlyn and I share what we’ve learned in our book, The Enlightened Marriage: 5 Transformational Stages of Relationships and Why the Best Is Still to Come.
You can learn more about crisis of integrity And his work by visiting Christian Miller’s website: https://christianbmiller.com/the-honesty-crisis/
you can see mine Interview with Christian Miller here.
If you’d like to learn more about my work helping men and the women who love them, visit me at https://menalive.com/.
