You’re chatting with a colleague at a business conference when a man, the head of a major department, a man you know you’ve met before, walks up. “Hey, Sam!” He says shaking your hand. Then he waits for you to introduce him to your co-worker. the only problem? You can’t remember his name for the rest of your life. Awkwardness ensues. And a potential business deal falls through.
The key to being a charismatic gentleman is to make others feel important. And what better way to make someone feel important than remembering their name? Remembering someone’s name shows that they were so special that they made a real impact on you. And everyone wants to feel special. Thus, “You probably don’t remember my name,” with “Of course I remember!” There are few better and easier ways to build rapport than responding.
And saying someone’s name is a powerful persuasion tool. It makes people feel comfortable and relaxed. The great success author and Mister Charisma himself, Dale Carnegie, once said that “A man’s name is the sweetest and most important sound to him in any language.”
But if you are like me, remembering names is not for you. I can remember faces, but I can’t always associate that face with a name.
This is a common problem. Research has consistently found that people are much better at recognizing faces than remembering names.
But don’t be afraid. With a little understanding and knowledge, you can overcome this shortcoming and become an expert in remembering names. You can be the guy who walks into a party and works the room like a professional.
Today we’ll discuss some of the most effective ways to remember people’s names, as well as what to do when your best intentions fail and someone’s name slips your mind.
How to remember a person’s name
Commit to listening and remembering. Most of us are poor listeners. In social situations, we tend to become complacent in conversation and always wait for the moment when we can jump in and add our two cents. if what you’re paying attention to you are doing What I want to say is that when someone introduces himself, his name goes into one ear and out of the other ear as it is. If you don’t look carefully through that little window, your opportunity to learn their name ends in a matter of seconds and you are lost.
Before going into any social situation where you will meet new people, commit yourself to being as careful as possible during introductions. When you meet someone, you often feel nervous and you have to consciously tell yourself to calm down. Simply applying extra mental focus can go a long way in helping you remember names.
Repeat quickly, repeat often. When you meet someone for the first time, repeat their name as soon as you know it. This will help you recall the person’s name in your memory. Say something like, “Hi Jill, nice to meet you!” or “Nice to meet you, Jill.”
After that initial repetition, use the person’s name as much as possible during the conversation without coming across as a sleazy used car salesman. “Where are you from, Jill?” “What’s the weather like in Toledo this time of year, Jill?” “How do you know the bride and groom, Jill?” you get the idea. Again, be natural and Don’t overdo it.
To really write that name into yours, be sure to end your conversation by repeating the person’s name one last time. “It’s nice to meet you, Jill. I hope we can keep in touch.”
This technique not only helps you remember someone’s name, but also makes you attractive. As we mentioned, people like the sound of their name.
Did he pronounce it? Hearing the spelling of a person’s name can help you remember it, especially if it’s an unusual name. If it’s a common name but has different spelling variations, ask the person which variation he or she uses. For example, if a person’s name is Brian, you might ask, “So does Brian have Ai or Brian have I?” He replies, “It’s Brian with a Y.” Now whenever you see that guy, you might think, “That’s Brian with the Y.”
Imagine the person’s name on their forehead. As you hear that person’s name, imagine that name written in big letters on their forehead. Whenever the person is in your presence, place that mental picture on his forehead.
Pair the person’s name with an easy-to-remember photo. After hearing a person’s name, make it as tangible as possible by associating the name with a picture. Be as creative as you want with this. There is no right or wrong way to do it. The association simply has to be meaningful to you. For example, if a person’s name is Teddy Thompson, you might imagine a teddy bear holding a Thompson machine gun.
Associate the image that represents the person’s name with the outstanding facial feature of that person. To particularly seal the memory of a name, take the visual representation of that person’s name that you created and pair it with that person’s outstanding physical characteristic.
Let’s use our example of Teddy Thompson. Our picture for his name was a teddy bear with a gun. Now we need to associate that image with a characteristic of Mr. Thompson. Let’s say Teddy has big ears. You can imagine a teddy bear with big ears and a machine gun in his hand. Your consistency may vary – just use what works for you.
take notes. If you are a salesman or in any other profession that involves making frequent and important new contacts, be sure to carry a pocket notebook with you. After meeting someone new, write down their name in your notebook (or the Notes app on your phone), along with a few notes about who they are and what they do. Take some time to review your notes before a meeting where you can review them again.
Practice, practice, practice. Remembering names is a skill that takes practice to develop, so put yourself in situations where you have to learn new names. Use these techniques as much as possible.
What to do when you forget your name?
No matter how hard you try, you’ll occasionally forget a person’s name. If you do, politely and apologetically say, “I’m so sorry, but I forgot your name. What’s that again?” Easy. Ask them as soon as you realize you’ve forgotten their name. The more time you spend together, the more annoyed they will become when they realize you don’t know their name.
But asking someone’s name again can spoil your image. I mean, you’re basically saying to the person, “You weren’t important enough to me for me to remember you.” If your memory has slipped, and you never want to ask someone’s name again, here’s how to recover it as easily as possible in many different situations.
When you are separated. If you realize when you’re apart that you can’t remember their name, ask if they have a business card you can take home with you. This is great, because now you can not only know their name without having to ask again, but you will always have something you can pull out and review at home.
When you see someone you’ve met before. If you encounter someone you know you’ve met before, but you can’t put the name together with their face, don’t guess their name if you’re not sure. For some reason, say your name to someone Wrong This always feels more invasive and noticeable than being asked your name again.
So if you can’t remember someone’s name, you have a few options. The first is a little trick that I have used successfully many times.
You ask the person, “Excuse me, what was your name again?”
the person will likely react with their first name.
Then you respond with a charming laugh and smile, and say, “Oh no, I meant you Last Name.”
It appears that people are more forgiving of someone forgetting their last name – less so of someone forgetting their first name. With this technique, you will know the person’s first name and they won’t even know that you have forgotten it. And if you’ve forgotten their last name, now you have that too.
Of course, this little trick may backfire if they respond by asking, “My first or last name?”
If you’re not a gambling person, you can just walk up, raise your hand, and say your name. “Brett. We met at the Christmas party last year.” They will probably respond the same way by telling their name. Chances are, he may have forgotten your name too! By taking the initiative, you also remove the burden of their worries.
When you are giving introductions. What if you’re standing with a friend and someone comes up to you, waiting to introduce you, but you can’t remember their name? Say to the person, “Have you met my friend Mike?” The person will then hopefully say to Mike, “No, I didn’t. Nice to meet you. I’m Luke.”
With over 4,000 articles now in our archive, we’ve decided to republish a classic piece every Sunday to help our new readers discover some of the best, timeless gems of the past. This article was originally published in June 2011.
