Hello how are you! Nice to meet you here. Welcome back to the Internet’s favorite alcoholic advice column, Am I a literary ass? This is where we ponder life’s toughest questions, like “Why does my dog run out of the room whenever I read my work out loud?” And “If an advertisement falls into the forest and there is no one around to read it, it is also said that piercing hearts And compelling?” I’m your host, Kristen Arnett, and I just returned from a week of teaching at the Kenyon Writers Workshop. I have to tell you that there is something very enjoyable about spending time with people who work hard to create art. It’s a true happiness to remember that we do it because we love it; We do this because we care deeply.
Salute to that lovely sentiment! I’ll bring us a bottle of champagne and we can read today’s questions while we sip.
There is joy, books and friendship here. On our first caller:
1) Oh father,
It is relatively low risk. My good friend is a somewhat famous horror writer and couldn’t be more qualified. She’s talented, driven, the queen of structure and I love watching her win. This is not the issue. The issue is the new name-dropping that has come up since his book came out.
We both started out together in a small artistic community, in a scene that is very intentional about respecting people but not making celebrity a big deal. It was great; It meant we could work with amazing talent (and amazing talent at that, it must be said) and everyone was there to make the show as a team. But since she’s become a horror writer instead of a theater artist, she’s been exposed to a bunch of semi-famous writers, and she only wants to talk about who she’s hanging out with instead of me! I read all of her new friends, and I love them, and I love that there’s a great group of horror writers who love each other so much. But all the name-dropping without interruption makes me feel like a loser who can’t hang up! My most famous friend is her, and being famous isn’t what I love about her! Is the friendship fully cemented because she goes to genre-con afterparties with famous directors? This is what name-dropping worries me about.
I really don’t think she’s doing this on purpose, and the ways I’ve imagined saying “hey man, maybe don’t do that please” are just making her feel bad and our friendship is getting worse. I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I miss having conversations about something other than my friend’s new famous friends! How do I start this conversation without sounding like a complete idiot?
Thank you,
Not famous, but still friends!
Hello friend!
I think the answer to this is relatively simple, so I’ll answer it right away at the top before elaborating, just to reassure you: this person still cares about you, you won’t lose them from your life, and the conversation will inevitably come back to things that don’t involve just “name dropping.”
The longer response to this is that your friend is really experiencing something exciting and new, so it definitely means they want to discuss it constantly. Put yourself in their shoes. It is natural to get sudden success! This is also something new for your friend, meaning they have never had to deal with it before. Just like you never had to navigate this thing in your friendship, they never had to navigate being in this kind of “celebrity” space.
It doesn’t seem like they’re trying to shut you out of anything here, which I think is an important thing to keep in mind as you continue to communicate with each other. Be patient with your friend, who seems as if they are justifiably enjoying some much-awaited recognition. Just because this person is friends with all these new people doesn’t mean they’re no longer excited or interested in you. If anything, it seems like they love you so much that they can’t help but try to share every bit of that excitement with you! They love you and want you to be a part of it!
However, I know it can get boring hearing the same thing over and over again every day. When you’re all meeting for dinner or drinks or just chilling, instead of confronting your friend, maybe try steering the conversation to different topics. A slight nudge may be all it takes to take it in a different direction.
This time is short and will pass. This excitement is new to your friend, and enjoyable, but its dynamics will inevitably change and become something more manageable for both of you. Believe it and believe it.
A little more bubbly? Here’s another question for us to consider:
2) Hello dad! Sorry if this has been asked before. I work a full-time job that also involves a lot of writing, so I don’t always have the time or energy to devote to my creative pursuits. I feel like I’m moving too slowly and my window for what I want to achieve (traditional pub) is fleeting. Am I a literary jackass who wants to be successful but also doesn’t move the needle?
You are fine!
Sometimes it helps to hear it from someone else.
It’s hard to work all day and then sit down to write, and it’s especially hard to do if your job is in the same field. By the end of the day your brain is fried. This can be discouraging, and I can understand your frustration at the fact that things are not moving as fast as you would like. But that doesn’t mean you’re not trying your best!
In terms of being proactive, there are a few things you can do here. One of those things is to make “writing dates” for yourself when you’re not at your job. Pick a long weekend and spend it working on a project. Create an itinerary for yourself that prioritizes your work; Make it feel like an art retreat. My wife and I do this often at our house and we always feel good at the end of it. I would also suggest getting up early and getting some of your writing done before your work day starts. I’m not a morning person at all, but when I was working full-time in libraries while also working on my Masters, this is how I wrote my first novel. Even if it’s only fifteen minutes in the morning, you’ll still get something done, and it will be refreshing and it will be yours. You will start cherishing those early moments when you are getting up to welcome the day, doing your work. Apply for some residencies and workshops. Put your 100 percent into them. Putting yourself and your art first makes a big difference.
Most of all, I want you to take this lightly on your heart. We cannot do good work while feeling embarrassed. Take time for yourself and you will start feeling better. I promise.
I feel uneasy! When we look at our final question, what will happen when we finish the bottle?
3) Love the column, but now I think maybe I made a mistake in the literary field. Am I the only one who finds the term “pantser” annoying and even offensive?
Some people hatch conspiracies. Seriously the plot. Pages and pages of plotting. But I can’t write like that. I always have an idea of where my story is going, but how it gets there is a different matter. I’ve tried plotting, and it drains my creativity faster than anything else. It used to be just “not plotting”, but at some point (don’t know when) it became “pantsing”, as in you write by the seat of your pants. But we are not. Not necessary.
I prefer the word “improv” more like improvisation. The way I write is very much like jazz or a guitar solo… you’re working within a kind of structure but how you use that structure is what matters most in the moment. Would you have called Charlie Parker or Eddie Van Halen a “pantser” because they didn’t script their solo songs? So why minimize what we do and how we work best?
Sorry to rant, but it really makes my job harder.
When it comes to the literary world, we all have things that bother us and irritate us. You are not an asshole to him!
I’d say you’re also not alone in your non-outlining style. I’ve never been a person who can outline anything. None of my novels have been outlined. I don’t have any short stories. Not even my essays. Everyone’s brain works differently. Some people can create an outline, while others work better without structure. That’s absolutely fine! For me, I like to write toward surprise. That’s what I’ve always called it and that’s how I continue to work.
“Pantser” makes it sound a little trite, I’ll give you that. But I think you can choose your own language when you talk, even if you can’t change someone else’s way. Start calling it improv! Here’s hoping it moves forward. I’ll go ahead and start saying this too. Let’s improve!
And hey, you can always feel free to talk to me! My inbox is open. I’m here for you, friend.
And that’s all we have time for today, guys! Join me next time we look at more of your anonymous questions (please send them to me) and I’ll also try out my comedic skills in the world of improv!
yes and,
Father
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Are you worried you’re a literary asshole? Ask Kristen via email at AskKristen@lithub.com, or Here anonymously.
